Yesterday my mom came over for a short visit. While she was here I took the opportunity to shower since Nathan was busy tearing down wallpaper in our downstairs bathroom and Autumn’s proximity radar goes off any time one or the both of us is not within 3 feet of her. I figured my mom would be an acceptable substitute and I could finally shave my legs and wear shorts again.
Before I stepped into the shower, my mom grabbed a book to read to Autumn and turned the TV station to channel 32, which around here is “TV Land.” A “Brady Bunch” marathon was on and mom read the book while Autumn cried through as much of the story as my mom was able to read to her. Apparently there’s no substitute for Mom and Dad.
After my mom left, the TV stayed on “TV Land” and I instantly became sucked into the Brady’s world again. I swear it’s been at least ten years since I’ve sat down and watched an entire episode, let alone a marathon of episodes. During feedings and naps (Autumn’s, not mine) I was able to watch a few of the most memorable Brady moments of all time.
The first episode I caught was the one where the boys scared the crap out of the girls with the fake ghost and then the girls dared the boys to sleep in the attic and played their own fake ghost trick on them. This episode used to scare the living hell out of me when I was a kid. There was just something about that ghost in the beginning that chilled me to the bone. That and Marcia’s ethereal tape recorded voice as the girls’ cheesy celophane creation floated out of the trunk. I always had to change the channel before I heard that voice. Vincent Price’s laugh at the end of “Thriller” had the same effect on me.
All the best episodes were on yesterday. The Grand Canyon trip, the Hawaii trip, Marcia’s broken nose, Peter’s broken voice and Carol’s broken vase. Let me tell you though, watching this show as an adult mother is a whole lot different than watching it as a kid. When you’re a kid you’re willing to overlook a few plot holes and glaring exhibits of bad parenting. Here are a few things I noticed in the episodes I watched yesterday:
1) Ok, how much does an architecht make anyway? He has six kids to support, his wife doesn’t work and he keeps a housekeeper on staff. Oh, and he drives a convertible back and forth to work. Doesn’t he know convertibles cost more to insure?
2) Speaking of work, where can I find an employer as generous as his? Not only did Mike Brady’s firm foot the bill for the entire family to travel to Hawaii, they included a ticket for Alice too.
3) Mike Brady is all too forgiving, especially when lunatic strangers put his family in danger. Exhibit A will be the Grand Canyon trip. Perhaps winding up in jail and getting his car stolen was karmic retribution for bailing on his campground reservatiopns (a courtesy call would have been nice, Mike) in favor of roughing it in a ghost town. So what did he do? He left his family behind while he and Peter sought help. They eventually returned with the car and Mr. Howell, I mean the old prospector who apologized with an explanation that he just wanted to file his claim before the Brady’s jumped it. So what did Mike do? Nothing. He just loaded the family back into the wagon. They had a schedule to keep, you know.
Exhipbit B is the Hawaii trip. Vincent Price’s kooky professor tied the boys up and threatened to leave them behind until Mike and Carol showed up. Did Mike deck the professor for kidnapping his boys? No! He offered to help the professor get credit for finding the cave and everything in it. As long as he doesn’t have to drag a dead body home, Mike Brady is one accomodating man.
4) They took Alice with them on the Grand Canyon trip and expected her to still cook? When did Alice get a vacation? Did they pay her for standing in front of a hot grill in the dessert or was the trip her payment for the week? I didn’t see anyone asking her to contribute gas money.
5) Mike and Carol gave their kids freedom to roam all over the place yet freaked out when they weren’t back at camp or the hotel by dark. Hellooo! You had three teenage sons loose in Hawaii. Do you really think they were going to care about coming back to the hotel for dinner even if they weren’t worried about shaking off that bad tiki-god mojo? Oh and Bobby and Cindy were eaten by a mountain lion in the Grand Canyon while Alice was dragging out the grill for those hot dogs and beans.
I could go on, but thankfully I won’t. I will, however, be discussing the Brady wardrobe designer’s obvious liberal drug use in my next post.
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