My mom is re-doing her kitchen next month and is on the prowl for some more of her daisy-themed vintage pottery. My parents don’t have an eBay account and my mother has been getting me to bid on some of the things she wants. A few weeks ago we bought a cookie jar and a covered veggie dish because she has plans to incorporate those pieces into her grand design.
Last week the the pottery finally arrived but the cookie jar was totally smashed. Amazingly there wasn’t so much as chip out of the veggie dish, but I was very disappointed in the state of the cookie jar because that meant my mother would be sending me back to eBay to find another.
Accidents happen when fragile things like this are left to the devices of the U.S. postal service, however they might happen less if a package is properly packed and marked, which this one was not. The woman packed the pieces in newspaper and didn’t bother writing “fragile” on the box, so I sent her a strongly worded e-mail that let her know what a piss-poor job she did in packing the stuff. This was the reply I received:
I have been selling china on Ebay for 10 yeras I have tried teh bubble stuff but do much much better with newspaperI hardly ever have any breakage but then that was a wierd shaped piece It was packed well Read myfeedback everyone is happy with mypacking Didnt you insure the items I will look tomorrow for teh insurance tag
I find a couple of things wrong with this reply. One is her shameful lack of punctuation. There’s not a single apostrophe, comma or period in that jumble of words. The second thing I find wrong with this reply is that there’s no apology. That may be due in part to the ‘tude I copped with her right off the bat, but this woman has a feedback rating of over four thousand, so you know she moves a lot of product. You’d think someone with that much experience shipping stuff out to customers can, at the very least, pick up a Sharpie and scribble “Fragile” on the box.
After ten days of hearing nothing else from the seller, I decided today to visit the post office with my mother’s broken cookie jar. Of course I couldn’t get a refund without the insurance receipt, which No Punctuation lady referenced in her reply. The post office did offer to send the box back to her at no charge so she could file the claim, but I didn’t want to do that and lose my proof that I received damaged goods.
I decided to e-mail the seller and ask for a refund to my PayPal account. I told her once I received my refund I’d send her box back with the broken goods so she could file the claim herself. Sounded like a reasonable request and I really was not a bitch this time. This is the reply I received:
You have to file teh cloam I found the insurance receit and U wukkwrite uo a sale slip and get it off to you
I had Nathan read it. “Do you have any idea what the hell she’s saying here?” I asked.
“Not a clue,” he said.
So this is what I sent back to her:
Pardon my ignorance, but I have absolutely no idea what your reply says. Can you explain further so that I may understand?
To which she replied with this:
I did find the insurance slip and my husband finally got stamps You have to file on your end I will send a receipt and the insurance slip andIf I need to sign anything which I did one time before ill sign it Ive only had likr 5 or so things break in thr 10 years I have been doing Ebay
Now I’m starting to think she doesn’t like vowels either, but I get what she’s saying. The ball’s in my court and I have to wait for Cletus to lick the stamps and send me the insurance tags so my mom can get her refund.
And no, it never once occurred to me that this woman might be mentally challenged. Anyone with as high an eBay rating as she has is obviously in possession of enough mental faculties to run a business. She just needs to read this book or invest in an e-mail program with spelling and grammar check.