Illumination

Monday I had my yearly physical.  I’ve been putting it off because I wanted to switch doctors and also because I didn’t want to hear the lecture about my weight.  My old doctor was very nice and never lectured me about my weight, but her office was a disaster.  During my pregnancy it wasn’t uncommon for me to have to wait up to an hour to been seen for a 10 minute checkup.  I just didn’t want to deal with that anymore so I decided to switch to one of the OBGYNs in the same practice with Autumn’s pediatrician.  They’re much closer to home and work, so that’s a plus as well.

While I’m not the heaviest I’ve ever been, I’m pretty darn close and the lecture was forthcoming as I had expected, but it wasn’t the finger-wagging “shame one you” type of lecture I used to receive from my old, old doctor.  My new doctor is actually very pleasant and struggles with food issues herself.  She recommended Weight Watchers or South Beach (which she follows).  She admitted she’s biased towards South Beach because it has worked for her, but she stressed it isn’t what I do so much as that I do something.

Her advice didn’t fall on deaf ears because I had actually re-joined Weight Watchers last weekend.  I’m reading this book, which I bought about three years ago but only got through the first few pages (ironic, huh?).  I picked it up again last week after a particularly bad day at work and have been reading it since.  I’m not really big on self-help books because people who read self-help books tend to talk about them a lot (which I have done) and recommend them to others who they think will benefit from reading them (which I have also done).

I won’t bore you with the details of my enlightenment, but one of the things I realized is that I’m not the hard worker I thought I was.  I’m what the book calls an “extreme low risk-taker” (don’t you just love psychobabble?) who avoids high demands at work.  That’s why I have a degree in English Lit and work in an office pushing paper and answering phones.

So now I want to change, but according to the book, I shouldn’t try to change too much at once.  Changing too much at once can overwhelm you and I’m totally the kind of personality who wants to do it all and wants to do it now.  I can see it happening already.  I joined Weight Watchers, am contemplating applying for a higher-level position at the university and am toying with applying to the school’s master’s program in English Lit.

*Sigh*

Change doesn’t happen over night, you know.