If you can’t say anything nice, blog about it!

After we got home from our dinner out last night, Nathan made the round of calls to friends and relatives to assure everyone he was still employed. While on the phone with his sister-in-law Lisa, he was told what happened after we left his dad’s house Sunday night.

The wife was actually offended that we didn’t like what she’d done to the house. She couldn’t understand why we’d had such an emotional reaction when we walked through the door.

“For real?” I asked Nathan when he relayed the story to me. “Is she really that dense?”

Apparently Lisa had to finally lay it all on the line and explain to the wife why we were upset; because she and Nathan’s dad had erased his mom completely from the house so that the only thing left of her was the curio clock on the wall.

New wife didn’t like this. She didn’t like arguing with Lisa and clammed up. She eventually retreated to the bedroom so she wouldn’t have to be subjected to such abuse.

“Lisa said she doesn’t like confrontation,” said Nathan.

“Then why the hell did she marry into our family?” I asked.

I called my mom and relayed the story to her, asking her opinion of the wife’s reaction.

“It sounds like she’s not really aware of other people’s feelings,” she said.

“It sounds to me like she can only see as far as her own feelings,” I added.

We talked at length about the wife and about difficult people in general. Near the end of the call I said, “It’s funny how a year ago our side of the family was more dysfunctional. A lot has changed.”

I called Lisa after talking to my mother because I wanted to hear directly from her what had happened. We were on the phone for nearly an hour, which was probably the longest conversation the two of us ever had. I told her how I really wanted to like the wife but her behavior was making it very difficult. Lisa said she’s liking the woman less and less the more she gets to know her.

“Are we going to have to tiptoe around this woman now? Is she going to take offense any time we try to mention Mom in her presence?” I asked.

“I don’t care what the woman likes or dislikes,” said Lisa, “I’m not changing a damn thing. She can take me or leave me.” Classic Lisa. You gotta love her.

We wrapped up the call by making plans to meet at her and Dirk’s house on Christmas Eve. The Noah gathering is supposed to happen sometime that day, but the wife wants to schedule it at 7:00 PM so she can attend the candlelight service at church. The time is rather inconvenient for us and Nathan explained to the wife that Autumn is usually in bed by 8:00 at the latest. I’m not really anal about Autumn’s schedule, but it’s a 2-hour round trip drive to his dad’s house and there’s no way a 7:00 party would allow us time to spend with the family and get our daughter to bed at a decent hour. I’d really like to present a happy, well-rested child to my family on Christmas Day.

And this whole church thing? That’s also something new. I was raised a Christian and more or less consider myself an absentee Christian at present, but Nathan’s parents were never churchgoers and it’s strange to see the wife leading us in prayer before dinner and to hear how Nathan’s dad is now going to church every Sunday. I understand a person’s faith is important, but if the wife wants to build a solid relationship with our family, she’s going to have to make concessions of her own.

Oh Meg, I’m thinking of you, girl, because I have the feeling I’m going to be able to tell some whopper MIL stories of my own (not that I would ever consider this woman to be my MIL).