Thanks for the shoes, sorry about the mess

I haven’t written much about Autumn’s progress with potty training because we’ve been at an impasse for a couple of months. She’s been very good at daycare and will use the toilet like a champ, however at home she screams and kicks and refuses to go anywhere near the potty. I have to get her in the right mood and bribe her with either candy or stickers to even get her to sit.

We had a bit of a breakthrough this week when I had the genius idea to send her to daycare wearing underpants instead of the regular Pull-Up. The first day she had an accident because Carole’s daughter put Autumn down for her nap not realizing the girl was only wearing underwear. The rest of the week went very well with only a couple of accidents. In the evening we had our share of soggy pants, but it seemed Autumn was starting to realize what was expected of her. A couple of times she actually told me she had to “pee pee”, something she had never done before. She also started displaying the physical signs of someone trying to control her bladder; holding herself, jumping up and down and running in place as mommy tries to quickly usher her into the bathroom.

Yesterday was kind of a goofy day potty training-wise. None of us earned marks for achievement because we all missed the boat in one way or another. We took Autumn to the university pool to go swimming. I still put her in a swim diaper because even I have a hard time holding it in sometimes when I’m in the pool. Those swim diapers are crap anyway and really only provide the illusion of protection. At one point during our swim I sat Autumn on the side of the pool to adjust her life vest. As I was tightening the strap that ran underneath her, I felt the warm flow of urine wash over my fingers and thought, “Oh well, that’s what the chlorine is for.”

At some point during the course of our swim, one of Autumn’s Spongebob clogs disappeared. It was crazy. They had been sitting feet away from us the whole time we were there, but when it was time to go we could only find one. I walked around the perimeter of the pool thinking maybe it had been kicked into the water. Nothing. The shoe had disappeared. Nathan has a theory that involves a kleptomaniac four year-old who was in the pool with us at the time. In his mind most children are Children of the Corn.

The missing shoe required us to stop at Payless and pick up a new pair. Of course they didn’t have Spongebob clogs in her size so we settled on Lightening McQueen clogs and a new pair of sandals. It was while we were in Payless that Autumn started exhibiting the physical signs of needing to pee, but I foolishly believed her adamant declarations to the contrary. As the clerk started ringing up our purchases, Nathan picked up Autumn and was treated to a shower of pee pee that soaked his shirt, shorts and the rug underneath us. Lesson number one: do not give a nearly full bottle of Propel to a child not quite in tune with her bladder. Lesson number two: Payless store clerks are probably grossly underpaid.

Nathan was, for lack of a better word, pissed. When we got home, he stormed up the stairs and into the bedroom to change his clothes. “What? Do you think you’re the first parent this has ever happened to?” I asked. He was embarrassed, and rightly so, but I’m pretty sure he was more upset that something like this had happened to him and not me. I’m the mother, the one who is used as a tissue when the child has a runny nose and the one whose pants serve as a napkin when grubby hands need to be wiped clean. I guess it only follows that I’d also be used as a toilet. It would have been fitting, seeing as I was wearing a yellow shirt yesterday.