Did you know that the internet is, like, FULL of potentially incriminating information? Stuff you thought you’d never see again can pop up unexpectedly. If you don’t believe me, Google your name. Or better yet, Google your MAIDEN name.
If I Google my name I don’t come up with much, not even this blog actually. The first thing that comes up when I Google my name is my Amazon.com profile and that’s only because I recently posted a review for book #12 in Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series. The rest of what comes up is a bunch of crap that doesn’t pertain to me at all.
When I Google my maiden name, however, I get a treasure trove of ancient newsgroup posts that made me cringe the first time I read through them because the person who wrote them could not possibly have been me. You see, back in the day before blogs and MySpace and pretty much anything on the internet, the only way to communicate with others who held the same interests as you was through newsgroups. I’m pretty sure they’re still around and that people still use them, but the internet has grown so much that you really don’t have to go far to find what you need.
So as I said, the first time I read though these old, old posts I was both amused and embarrassed because I had only vague recollections of ever having written them. We’re talking about stuff dating back ten years or more when I was unmarried and shacking up with Nathan and two ungrateful cats in a two-bedroom apartment. Just to give you an idea of the kinds of things I was writing about, here’s a selection of the groups to which I posted:
alt.books.ann-rice (way before Tom Cruise ruined Lestat for me)
alt.tv.sliders (Remember that show? You know…with that guy who just married that model who used to be married to that guy from “Full House?”)
rec.arts.sf.tv.quantum-leap (Still love this show. Rented the season one DVDs recently)
rec.collecting.dolls (my Barbie collecting phase)
alt.tv.x-files (Some day I’ll have to write about my Mulder dream)
It is truly amazing the lengths to which I could discuss Barbies and the plot lines of “Friends.” But the best and possibly most damaging piece of drivel is this beauty from “rec.arts.tv.soaps.misc.”
If the writers really wanted to put us through agony and prolong this
Carrie, Austin, Sammi, Mike love square, they should have just done this:
Sammi, desperate not to lose Austin to Carrie, agrees to have another
blood test taken to prove once and for all who Will’s father is. The
whole gang goes to the hospital, formal attire and all. They sit in
suspense while the test is administered by Dr. Mike Horton. As he
prepares to stick a needle into Sammi, his mother Mrs. Bates…I mean
Laura Horton leans over and whispers into his ear “Carpe Diem”. In a
moment of selfishness, Dr. Mike Horton doctors the results of the blood
test to make everyone believe that Austin IS Will’s father. Carrie is
devastated, Austin is dumfounded (as usual) and Sammi is triumphant. Mike
decides not to wait any longer and tells Carrie he loves her. Carrie
finally realizes what a gem Dr. Mike Horton is (he’s cute plus he’s a
doctor in Salem…can’t get better job security than that!) and gives him
a long, loving kiss. Since the minister was at the hospital (hey, he was
curious too!) Sammi talks Austin into finishing the ceremony there.
Finally, a wedding is finished in Salem!
I just have to say that I’m really getting sick of Laura Horton. I may
just be a fledgling “Days” viewer (since last December), but she just
seems too pushy. I think it’s great that Mike Horton is showing some
integrity. I think he and Carrie would make a cute couple, but he
realized that Carrie loves Austin and he doesn’t want to come in between
them. I know Laura has been through a lot. I felt real sympathy for her
when everybody thought she was crazy, but she has got to lighten up.
Somebody on this soap shoud be happy for crying out loud!
Jesus, who is this psycho and why does she care so much about Carrie and Austin?
As much as I’d like to forget I ever wrote this, I actually do remember the days when I worked second shift at the factory and tried to squeeze in just a few more minutes of melodrama before having to leave for the half-hour drive to the plant. Back when I was still in my 20s and having a house, let alone a child, seemed like an impossibility. Back when Nathan and I would clock out at 11:00 pm, hit Arby’s at 11:30 and stay up to watch Conan O’Brien with Jamocha shakes and onion petals weighing heavily in our stomachs.
If I sound a little nostalgic, I guess I am. Like any parent, I miss the flexibility of a child-free life, not to mention Jamocha shakes and Conan. I wouldn’t trade my girl for anything, but if I could go back 10 years I’d certainly make better use of my time because the post above is just one of many like it.
And no, I’m not going to tell you what my maiden name was.
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